i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
