We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
