had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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