I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
