Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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