She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
false alarm, still single
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
