He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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