It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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