glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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