no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
