We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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