So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
