did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
