2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
