Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
