DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
