Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
