i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
