Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
