this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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