They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
