quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize