My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
