I wish i was in the wii world.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
