K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
