I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
