that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
