My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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