I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
