You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
