i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize