I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
