I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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