I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
