I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
