I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
