i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
