we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well I just put wine in my tea
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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