Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
