she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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