All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
