well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
