You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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