i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
