I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
