WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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