i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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