I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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