can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
