Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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