Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
