OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My vagina just clenched in fear
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
