I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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