Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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