My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
