She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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