i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
